Cancer Diary
Amanda Shires
You may be asking yourself, “What does Amanda Shires have to do with your cancer journey?” Or, maybe even, “Who is Amanda Shires?” For those of you who are not in the know, Amanda Shires is a hometown girl, whose career I’ve been following since the early 2000s when Frank and I became empty-nesters and began going out weekly to hear live music. We’ve watched this young woman grow from a shy teen to the strong Nashville performer she is today. We have all of her records and catch her performing live whenever we can. In fact, we have tickets to see her later this month touring with the Allman Betts Family Revival. Okay, that’s who she is, now what does she have to do with my cancer journey?
All summer I was eagerly anticipating the September release of her newest album, Nobody’s Girl, dubbed as her “break-up” album following her divorce from alternative country music’s Jason Isbell. My cancer diagnosis took center stage so I lost track of the album release date.
While in the hospital the first time, I had a 3:00 a.m. MRI where I was offered the choice of earplugs or headphones to listen to music. I chose the music. When asked what I’d like to listen to, I asked the technician if she had Amanda Shires’ new release. Remember, this was 3:00 a.m., I was disoriented and probably still in shock from my diagnosis. When I asked if she had this new album I was literally picturing a turntable and an assortment of record albums on hand in the MRI office. The technician said she could probably find it on Spotify, and she did.
Amanda’s album was released just 3 hours before my MRI. I was able to listen to her singing through the awful sounds of the forty-five minute MRI. If you’ve never had an MRI, you lie in an enclosed tube and horrific screeching-thrumming noises reverberate through your entire body. Once the procedure was over I told the technician I hoped I had turned her on to a new musician, and bragged that she was from my hometown. I said this with the same enthusiasm of Buddy the Elf when he tells everyone he knows Santa. “Oh, really. Where are you from?” asked the technician. It was then that I realized we were in Lubbock, my hometown, and not on Mars, or Venus or in South America. That’s how disoriented I was. I felt a bit silly telling the tech I was from the very town we were both currently in the middle of.
The day I was released from the hospital my daughter gave me a copy of the new vinyl album. I sat and listened to it while following along with the printed lyrics from the liner notes. Even though Amanda’s songs were written about heartbreak following a divorce, grief is grief. I was able to relate to every sad verse. I felt I had a comrade in my own devastation.
Open communication with my family during this time of crisis was important. We began a group text and after several failed attempts to name the text group (Jenny’s got a Tumor, Jenny’s getting a Lobotomy) we landed on Bulletproof. “Bulletproof” is the title of an Amanda Shires’ song from an earlier album, Down Fell the Doves.
Tiger bill gave me a tiger claw
From a real Siberian tiger's paw, he said
"This'll make you bulletproof"
So I got this tiger claw
From a real Siberian tiger paw
In my pocket
It's got me thinkin' now
What if I really could be bulletproof?
I visualized having a real Siberian tiger claw from a real Siberian tiger paw making me bulletproof. It’s nice to feel bulletproof! I’m even considering a tiger claw tattoo.
Another Shires’ song of significance is “Break Out the Champagne” from her album To the Sunset. I feel like I’m living the shit show she references in the song. I’m trying to adopt the attitude the song is teaching.
I said, “Break out the Champagne
If this is how we’re really going to go.
Let’s get on with the shit show. Let’s get on with the show.
So if you see me around town sporting a Siberian tiger claw tattoo and drinking from a bottle of champagne, you will know the answer to what does Amanda Shires have to do with my cancer journey. Thanks Amanda!
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