Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thinking Outside of the Bag


This week I read a story in the Parade Magazine insert in our Sunday newspaper about three generations of a family who wrote notes on napkins in their loved ones’ sack lunches. I used to do that for my daughters. I am inspired to start doing it for my husband now that he is brown-bagging it every day.

The article got me thinking about all of the sack lunches I’ve made in my lifetime. From the time I was old enough to reach the kitchen counter my mother passed on the job of making lunches to me. First it was just my father’s lunch and mine, then my brother’s, a year later my sister’s was added, and finally, four years later, baby brother began school and his lunch box was lined up with the rest of ours. I seem to recall his was a metal Dukes of Hazard lunch pail. By this time, I’m sure I was too old for my Barbie-themed lunch container, handing it down to my little sister and opting for a brown paper sack with my name written on it with a black or red Bic Flair pen to distinguish it from my father’s lunch.

Lunches in those days consisted of a sandwich; cold cuts and American cheese, mustard on the meat side, Miracle Whip with the cheese. This was a rule no one in my family considered breaking until I grew up and discovered that mayonnaise was much tastier than Miracle Whip, but I still put the mayo on the cheese side. The lunch meat of choice at our house for years was a thin-sliced, packaged ham; a pressed meat sliced so thin you could actually, as my father would say, “read the newspaper through it.” He got more than one slice of ham, but we kids got only the one. In hindsight, I’m sure my frugal parents saw this ham as a budget-minded school lunch for four children. Mother did, however, always splurge on the best cheese – real American cheese, Kraft, none of that imitation processed American cheese food for her family. What is cheese food anyway?

Along with the sandwich we had a baggie of chips, not the small individual serving bags, but sandwich bags filled with chips from a family-sized bag of Ruffles or Fritos or Cheetos. I do recall a period of time when we always had a five-gallon can of Charles’ Chips brand potato chips. I’m not sure where they came from, but I’m almost thinking it was a bonus product one could have delivered to the front door with our gallon jugs of milk by the milkman.

A sweet treat rounded out our lunchtime fare. Typically cookies in another baggie; Oreos or gingersnaps or Fig Newtons or vanilla wafers. We knew we’d hit the big time when we graduated to Ding Dongs and Twinkies and garishly pink coconut studded Snowballs. I always nibbled around the edges of these desserts saving the bite with the white cream filling for last.

Every evening Daddy’s pocket change went into a plastic cup in the shape of an orange with “Smirnoff” molded onto the side, a promotional item pushing the consumption of screwdrivers. Every morning Mother gave us coins from this cup admonishing, “Don’t lose your milk money.” I never bought milk; I opted instead for a cup of crushed ice and grape “juice” from the fountain machine. I can still smell the artificial grape aroma wafting off of this pale purple excuse for juice. I’m sure it was nothing more than corn syrup and water dyed to look like Concord grapes.

By high school I was too cool to take my lunch, so I bought spaghetti or hamburgers or burritos in the lunch line at the school cafeteria and sat with my friends and flirted with boys. Then came the “open campus lunch,” probably the worst idea to hit school districts since New Math, where we got in cars and exceeded the speed limit to arrive en masse at fast food establishments where we wolfed down quarter pound hamburgers and over-salted French fries and washed it all down with large Dr. Peppers before speeding back to school in time to hear the lunch tardy bell ring as we pulled into the parking lot thanking our guardian angels that we weren’t all killed when we ran the last three red lights.

I hope school lunches have changed since my days of eating too much processed food from sacks, cafeterias, and fast-food restaurants. I hope what my sister tells me about the lunches her students bring to school is true. She reports that the pre-school aged children of today’s modern parents bring organic fruit and goat cheese and mineral water from France. I’ll keep that in mind as I pack my husband’s lunch and I’ll be sure to tuck a little love note in the bag as well. I hope he gets as much pleasure out of a random “I love you” in the middle of the day as I once did from the real American cheese my mother insisted on buying.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Being Brave

The freshman album release of one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Amanda Shires (www.amandashires.net), is titled “Being Brave.” I love that title, I love that premise – Being Brave. I know Amanda from the days when she was just beginning to sing. She began as a fiddle player and it was fun to watch her “earn her chops” singing at small local venues and then move on to a full-time music career in Nashville. I’m sure it took Being Brave to pull off what she has accomplished. I’m very proud of the hometown girl.

Even though she has gone on to release several more albums with much better music I don’t think she will ever be able to top the title of that early work, Being Brave. I think about it all of the time. It was my theme when I first came out of the closet as a writer, it was my mantra when I was faced with seemingly insurmountable work goals and deadlines, it got me through my husband’s career crisis and subsequent move, and now, right this very minute, it is getting me through living in a new town and making a new start..

Being Brave. It is hard to do sometimes, but if Amanda can do it, then so can I. Thanks Miss Amanda Shires for being a good example and a damn good writer. Keep Being Brave and so will I.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Muscle Up

As I climbed the stairs to my home office this morning I was brutally reminded of my approaching 55th birthday. My legs screamed at me for abusing them. The muscles in my back, arms, shoulders, rear, thighs, calves and feet (There are 33 muscles in each foot!) objected in unison to any further attempt at running.

Whoa, just who do they think they are talking to? Am I not the boss of them? I’ll teach them to try to squelch my running goals.

I went to the River Walk with the intent of just walking the soreness out, but after a few minutes I took off at a slow trot (which is what I call running). Almost immediately I felt a pain in the center of my right kneecap. I have no idea what a meniscus is, but I imagined that was where the pain was coming from and I know enough to know I don’t want a torn one, so I stopped running and began a walking pace again (which is pretty much the same as my running pace, just not quite as spastic looking).

I quickly grew bored of walking and got up the nerve to test the knee again with another attempt at running and this time it didn’t hurt. I was able to run for a greater distance and with fewer walking bits. I am still not running on the inclines, or hills as I prefer to call them.

Coming from Lubbock, the flattest place on the planet, I’m finding San Angelo’s hills lovely, but it is daunting to think of running the up-sides. Locals will probably laugh at my interpretation of the hills, we are not, after all, officially in the Hill Country, but after 35 years on the Texas High Plains I feel like I’ve moved to the mountains!

My muscles can scream at me all they want – I’m just happy to know I’ve still got ‘em!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Run

As many times as I have started, stopped, and started my blog, quadruple that number and you get a rough estimation of how many times I have started, stopped, and started running. Not an athletic person by nature or nurture I succumbed to the Jane Fonda fad in the eighties, but mostly just to wear the tights, leotards, legwarmers, and headbands. After a long history of joining and quitting every gym in town I finally found a trainer who taught me how to run. I’m not one of those born-again runners touting the awesomeness of the runner’s high. I have never had the runner’s high. I have had the runner’s knee, the runner’s sore big toe, and the runner’s heat exhaustion, but never the runner’s high. It was because of the runner’s knee that I quit running, but I’m as bad at quitting things as I am at, well, at quitting things. That is to say, I quit quitting.

I ran today. I didn’t intend to, it just happened. I enjoy my morning walks in my new town. There is a fabulous trail around the Concho River that just begged me to run it. I tried to ignore it, but there is something about the rhythm of running that gets me every time. It is like typing or writing when you are really in the groove and it just flows, sort of a writer’s high of sorts.

Will I run tomorrow? I don’t know. I hope I will. I hope I can make a better showing than I did today. I must confess to only running on the downhill parts of the trail, but at least it was a start. Maybe I’ll keep it up until I experience the runner’s high I’ve heard so much about. Or, maybe I’ll just keep trying for the writer’s high – it is a lot easier on my knees.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Lost Opportunity


My grandmother told me there was a perfect age at which to memorize poetry. Unfortunately I cannot remember the exact age, but judging from her propensity for poetry recitation, I know she was right. She memorized many poems in her youth and remembered them for as long as she lived. She could recite long passages from Lowell’s “The Vision of Sir Launfal” and just about anything Tennyson ever wrote. After she lost her sight I enjoyed reading aloud to her and wasn’t too surprised when she could recite most of Longfellow’s “Hiawatha” with me as I read.

I must have been at that perfect age for memorizing poetry when I learned “Three Things Come Not Back” (author unknown) as I can still recall the poem today.

Remember three things come not back:
The arrow sent upon its track
It will not swerve, it will not stay
Its speed: it flies to wound or slay.

The spoken word, so soon forgot
By thee; but it has perished not;
In other hearts ‘tis living still
And doing work for good or ill.

And the lost opportunity
That cometh back no more to thee
In vain thou weep’st, in vain dost yearn
These three shall never more return.

Today it is the lost opportunity which haunts me. I missed so many opportunities when I stopped writing last December. My blog is allegedly about cleaning house and I missed the chance to write about actually doing it. In the months between March and July I completely purged and cleaned the home I’d lived in for almost thirty years (yes, even the garage) in order to put it on the real estate market. (Maybe not writing about it enabled me to get it done.)

The move would have been excellent blog fodder. Packing, deciding what to keep and what to let go, schlepping my “stuff” 170 miles downstate, dealing with moving day and movers in their semi-truck size van – all would have made great blog material.

But the event I’m saddest I didn’t write about was the death, at 104, of Big Red, my beloved grandmother. I didn’t document my thoughts and feelings. I didn’t put on paper that I really believed she would live forever, that we’d seen her decline and rally so many times in the past this time couldn’t be “it,” or that I was three hours away on the morning of her death and made it to her just before she passed.

Big Red is gone, but her spirit lives on. Her spirit will be in every poem I read and in the voice of every child reciting the verse which they memorized at just the right age.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Dog and Butterfly




The song “Dog and Butterfly” has been on my mind a lot this week. Never a big fan of that particular Heart song, it is interesting that I can’t get the somewhat sappy song out of my head. I know why it is playing, non-stop, like an endless loop on the old reel-to-reel recorder in my brain. It is because I’ve been walking my dogs through fluttering swarms of orange and black butterflies this week. It is my first experience with the Monarch migration and I love it.

Walking the dogs in the morning and evening at my leisure is a new activity for me. I am newly retired and newly transplanted to San Angelo, Texas which I’ve just discovered is in the Monarch migration flyway. My new home is in a historic neighborhood along the Concho River, peaceful and quaint with beautiful parks and gorgeous homes. This week I feel like I live in a fairy tale. I half expect a bluebird to land on my shoulder and bunnies to hop along beside me, even though I know the dogs would have none of that. They are curious about the butterflies, but have tolerated their company thus far. Which brings me back to the “Dog and Butterfly” song.

Since I can’t seem to get the chorus out of my head I Googled the song lyrics, then I had to Google the meaning of the lyrics. There is much speculation concerning the song’s meaning, but the last verse spoke to me:

Another night in this strange town
Moonlight holding me light as down
Voice of confusion inside of me
No begging to go back where I'm free
Feels like I'm through
Then the old man's words are true
See the dog and butterfly
Up in the air he like to fly
Dog and butterfly, below she had to try
She roll back down to the warm soft
Ground with a little tear in her eye
She had to try, she had to try
Dog and butterfly


The Monarchs are not alone on their migration. Perhaps San Angelo is my migration flyway too.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Serendipity

Serendipity, Divine intervention, karma, fate, kismet, coincidence – whatever you wish to call it, I love it when it happens. I watch for it daily. Sometimes it is subtle and other times it hits you like a ball-peen hammer to the forehead. Once, at my former non-profit agency job, some kind benefactor donated cases of windbreaker jackets bearing college basketball logos that would be perfect for our indigent clients during winter weather. However, there was a catch. The jackets could only be used if the sewn on basketball emblems were removed, the emblems were specially designed and reserved for top-tier donors to the university and of course could not be worn by someone standing in line at a soup kitchen. Within five minutes of the realization of the conundrum we were facing we received a call from the university department that used to be called Home-Ec., but is called something much fancier these days, offering to do a service project for us. Hello, can you take a seam ripper and remove embroidered patches from hundreds of jackets? Of course they could, and did. Serendipity, baby!

Yesterday, after months of ignoring my desire to write, I decided to resurrect my blog and to begin working on long unfinished writing projects, namely two novels that I think have potential, but have been sitting in that special place where unfinished manuscripts live (a box under my bed) for almost a year. This morning in the newspaper was the following article under Local Briefs: “Writing from the Heart,” a hands-on writing class for anyone who has ever thought about writing or is in the middle of a writing project and needs a jolt of creativity and inspiration to get to “The End,” will be held from 6 to 8 p.m. Thursdays, Oct. 6 – 22. Ball-peen hammer to the forehead.

This afternoon I signed up for the class, tonight I’m posting this on my blog, perhaps tomorrow I’ll hear from a publisher – serendipity baby!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Why I Abandoned My Blog

I quit my blog in December about the time my husband left me. Well, in all fairness to him, I should explain that opening sentence: He took a job in a town three hours away after being unemployed for almost eighteen months. There, I said it. We were “victims of the economy.” I put that in quotation marks because it is a phrase I heard a lot over the last couple of years and because I have been dread to admit that we were part of that national statistic. I even make air quotation marks with my fingers whenever I say it aloud. Really, I thought all of those “victims of the economy” were just lazy bums who really didn’t want to work. Neither my husband nor I have ever had difficulty finding and keeping a job, we aren’t the kind of people who don’t work. So imagine our surprise when he, one of the highest paid managers at his company, was “let go.” I use the quotation marks again, because in actuality he was fired, but somehow “let go” sounds ever so much nicer. But the experience was anything but nice. We consulted an attorney to see if we had grounds to pursue a wrongful termination suit, but discovered that in Texas you can be fired if someone doesn’t like the color of your shirt and there isn’t anything you can do about it.

So began the longest year and a half of our marriage. We learned a lot. We learned that we really meant “through good times and in bad,” we learned about the ineptitude of State and Federal employees when trying to maneuver through COBRA and Unemployment Insurance, we learned we didn’t need cable television or dinners out, and we learned how to not think about our future. My husband, burned and disappointed by his chosen profession, decided to change his career path in his mid-fifties. He learned that was not an option, at least not a viable one for him. He also learned that any self-doubt he acquired during eighteen months of unemployment was misguided. As a favor to a friend he offered to look over a company in the aforementioned three hour away town to see if it was salvageable or if it was ready for the auction block. After a month he knew he could turn it around. After three months we knew we couldn’t stand the separation. Another lesson learned; we really like each other. So here I am. I quit my job, sold our home of thirty years, said goodbye to our dear friends, and moved to a town where I know not a soul except for my husband.

I think I’m probably ready to resume my blog. I’ve got lots to talk about.