Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for. I suppose Thanksgiving is a good day to take inventory.

• My wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally and vice versa.
• My beautiful and kind and generous daughters.
• My adorable and smart grandchildren.
• My son-in-law who is a great father and husband.
• The family I grew up in.
• My kind and loving parents who taught me, by example, how to be a good spouse and a good parent.
• My sister who is also my best friend.
• My little brother who has taught me much about being a positive person and to make your own luck.
• My big brother, the unexpected silver lining of our mother’s passing, whom I love dearly.
• My big extended families. The Owens for always being fun and showing me the true meaning of family love and loyalty. The Primos for growing up with me and staying close no matter what. And the Smith side for hanging in there in spite of differences and distances.
• My friends – every single one of them, near and far, old and new, (real and virtual!)
• The blessings of my everyday life. Waking up in a lovely home, not worrying about being displaced or having a war waging outside of my door.
• For always having enough even though I sometimes worry.
• For access to good food and clean water and medical care.
• For a healthy body and mind, and for the health of my family and friends.
• My sweet dogs who love me unconditionally and to excess.
• For a dependable vehicle that I have been driving for 10+ years.
• My good neighbors and good neighborhood.
• For always having everything I need even if I don’t always realize it at the time.
• For opportunities to travel.
• For the time I get to spend with my grandchildren.
• My husband who encourages me to do whatever I want rather that be to head out at a moment’s notice for weeks on end or to take expensive art classes we both know I’ll never complete.
• For the talents God has given me (even though I neglect or ignore those talents).
• For the beautiful world in which we live. For nature and the great outdoors and my proximity to the river and the herons.
• And for many, many other blessings that befall me every minute of every hour of every day that I take for granted.
• I am grateful to be alive.

 Happy Thanksgiving

Chill Out

            With Thanksgiving this week I find myself in panic mode. Seriously, how did it get here so quickly? Wasn’t it just summer? I don’t know why I always do this to myself. I wait until the last minute to menu plan, to cook, to clean, to take the dogs to the groomer. Then to add to the pressure I decide to participate in various writing challenges.

 At least I can say that this year I’m not doing NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month), the 50,000 words in November challenge, but I did sign on for the daily thirty minute sprint. How many words can I write in thirty minutes and will they all be crap? So here I sit, writing when I should be showered and dressed and heading to the grocery store.

The first mistake I made was committing to the writing challenge; the second mistake I made was asking my husband what dishes (or culinary opuses he especially wanted for Thanksgiving dinner.)  His reply was, “the usual.” Then he proceeded to name things that I’ve never made for Thanksgiving dinner. Broccoli and rice casserole, candied yams, real stuffing (not the vegetarian version I always make for our daughter), and giblet gravy (again, not the vegetarian gravy I always make for our daughter). Wow, all of this in addition to the forty-seven other dishes I prepare will not only be a ton of work, but where the hell am I going to put all of this food?

            The third mistake: Not buying a new back-up refrigerator a month ago. The refrigerator in the guest house (aka the garage apartment, aka the storage room) is dead, kaput, pushing up daisies. The refrigerator in the main house is not that big, having to conform to the space allotted to refrigerators when the house was built in 1932. This morning while listing the dishes he would like for Thanksgiving dinner my husband also suggested I buy a new refrigerator today. Sure, because I have nothing else to do but drive all over town in hopes of finding a refrigerator that can be delivered before Thanksgiving.

            The fourth mistake was thinking that I could actually pull off a stress free holiday dinner. Yesterday I actually convinced myself that I would buy almost everything pre-made. A smoked turkey breast instead of a big-ass turkey and maybe a small ham. I even crossed several side dishes off of the menu. But no! I’ve already had requests for the items I eighty-sixed. Even though there will be only three people (3 PEOPLE!) at my Thanksgiving table I am cooking for a crowd.

That is perhaps the fifth mistake; the Thanksgiving leftover party which I host every year on the Saturday night after turkey day for all of our friends and neighbors. The party is great fun and supposedly a great way to get rid of leftovers. The only thing is I have to make a huge meal in order to ensure I have adequate leftovers. The point of the party is to give everyone the opportunity to get rid of their leftovers by sharing them in a huge tryptophan buffet. But the reality is I end up with everyone else’s leftovers in addition to mine. Plus, I have to clean my house for company.

Oh well, it is the holiday season. Let the cooking, the cleaning, the stressing and the eating begin. Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves? I guess it’s to prep for that other holiday that comes on the heels of Thanksgiving. The one where you not only have to cook and clean for a crowd, but buy ridiculously expensive gifts that no one needs, and travel cross country on airplanes that lose your luggage and have endless delays. I know I sound like a Grinch, but just thinking about that broccoli and rice casserole has a tendency to turn me slightly green.

There is a silver lining to the holiday craziness. The silver lining is family. My youngest daughter will be here for Thanksgiving and her presence makes up for all the special vegetarian dishes I have to prepare. The stress I will suffer during my Christmas travel will be worth it in the end when I get to spend time with my oldest daughter, son-in-law, and my beautiful grandchildren. So, I’m going to take a deep breath, make an extensive grocery list, and give myself an attitude adjustment. I need to remember these wise words: Chill out. Oh, and buy a refrigerator. 

Kindness

Since the terrorist attacks in Paris there has been nothing but bad news on my horizon. Everyday when I turn on the television (which I’m doing less and less), or when I catch BBC news on NPR on my car radio, or read the newspaper, or open my computer to social media I learn of some new despicable act perpetrated by “bad guys” on the rest of the world. I am down. I am sad. I am scared.

Then things hit home in a personal way. My father-in-law died last week, on my birthday. He had been heroically battling cancer, and seemed to be doing a valiant job. My husband and I visited him last month and felt that the most recent chemotherapy had bought him some time. But, alas, as cancer will do, he was struck by an associated side effect; he developed a blood clot and was brought down by a massive stroke. At least, we tell ourselves, he didn’t suffer through a debilitating and dignity-robbing end of life experience from the cancer.

The past week has included early morning risings for early morning flights, three different hotels in two different cities, two funeral services 250 miles apart, lots of unknown relatives, tears, comforting, facing old wounds, and exhaustion. In short, it has been grueling.

Today we arrived home tired, a bit loopy, and confused about how to proceed with the work of settling an estate. Even though we’d been pre-occupied with dire family matters the woes of the world were still there just waiting for me when I opened a week's worth of newspapers my next door neighbor had collected for me. Things – my life, my world, my outlook, my mood, were low.

The first task upon arriving home was to pick up my dogs at the kennel where they were boarded while we were out of town. The kennel owner, Kelley, is a military veteran so I told her about the beauty of my father-in-law’s military graveside service as I was writing a check for payment. I asked how much I owed her and her reply was, “Nothing, it’s on me.” I was shocked and my husband tried to argue with her, but she got her way by playing the I’m-the-owner-of-the-kennel-card.

What a kind and meaningful gesture for her to make. I know she did it because she is a genuinely good person and because she wanted to express her sympathy and her condolences. But, little does she know that she did so much more than that. She planted a seed of hope in my sad heart. She made me realize that there are always good people to shine a light no matter how much darkness is in your life. Her light illuminated all of the other kindnesses I have been shown all week. The neighbor who took care of my mail and newspapers, the hotel clerk who gave me a hug and a bottle of cold water when we checked in late at night, the relatives I’d never met who hosted a beautiful lunch after the graveside service, my daughter who flew from New York with my ten month old grandson so she could comfort her daddy, the laughter I shared with Gwen, my father-in-law’s companion of twenty years, as she told me stories of their life together, and so many more acts of love and kindness that I was on the verge of overlooking because of  “the state of the world.”

Things are bad right now; my heart is still heavy with loss and with fear. But the generosity and care of another human, of a kind and gentle soul changed me today. Thank you Kelley, you have no idea how far reaching your kindness will ripple. I will pass it on!