Thanksgiving

Cancer Diary

Thanksgiving

Cheesey post alert!

We know that Thanksgiving is a day to take stock of all we are grateful for. I have been trying to do that every day since my GBM diagnosis, but because it is Thanksgiving I am going to document some of the things I am most thankful for on this day of gratitude. 

I am thankful that I am not sick. Yes, I have an incurable cancer, but I am not sick. Sitting in the waiting room of the cancer center gives me the opportunity to meet other cancer patients. We don’t really talk about what type of cancer we have. I am still unsure of the cancer etiquette, but I suppose it’s rude to ask, “what are you here for.” However, I have gleaned from casual conversation that most of my fellow sufferers are there for curable cancers, yet they are much worse off than I. 

I am thankful I can eat a big Thanksgiving meal. I am thankful that I have not lost my ability to taste or to swallow food. I am thankful that I don’t have a feeding tube. I am thankful that I am not nauseous 24/7. I am thankful that the smell of food doesn’t turn my stomach. Even though I feel my appetite waning, I am thankful that I enjoy food, and that we have so many food choices this Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for the reason we have so many food choices this Thanksgiving. My daughter Carol Ann took on the task of planning and orchestrating the holiday meals. Not just Thanksgiving, but every meal from Wednesday through Sunday. I awoke on Wednesday morning with the overwhelming feeling of being behind on my Thanksgiving preparations. In past years I would spend the day before Thanksgiving making all of the side dishes, desserts, and appetizers. By Thanksgiving morning I would have been ready to bake the turkey and host a houseful of guests. This year I cannot do anything. I have no energy (fatigue is real). Plus, no one wants me preparing food while I’m shedding (my hair started falling out last week). Not being able to participate in the Thanksgiving food preparation came with an emotional toll I didn’t realize would happen. Just another reminder of what my life is like now, another reminder that I have cancer. As emotionally devastating as it is to not be able to cook, I am so grateful for daughters and sons-in-law who jump in and take over the holiday food responsibilities. And washing the dishes. 

Speaking of dishes - My daughter Courtney decided we should use the ancestors’ china. She unboxed my mother’s and Frank’s mother’s wedding china, dishes that have not been seen in almost 40 years. I grew up eating holiday meals on my mother’s gray and silver Bavarian china. My husband’s mother’s china is white and gold. We had a fun mix of family history and tradition on our Thanksgiving table. 

I am grateful for family. That seems like a given, but I know families who do not get along as well as mine. I am proud of the family we have created. I am grateful that they chose to spend this holiday with us. I am grateful for my extended family - for my siblings, my nieces and nephews, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, the in-laws and out-laws (as my daddy always said). Melding families is not always easy, but I am grateful to my co-madre Annette for all the cooking and holiday fun she brings. 

Insert entire chapter about my grandchildren here! I could go on and on about them, but I want to post this today, so I’ll just say - they are the absolute best! I cannot find the words to express my feelings for them. 

I have the rest of the week to bask in the love of my family. We have good food, a warm house, lots of dogs (mine, plus 4 more = 5 pups to love on), and fun activities planned. It does not get any better than this. I am truly a lucky woman!