My Life is a Game Show Waiting to Happen

Remember the game show, Let’s Make a Deal? The host, I think his name was Monty Hall, would approach random women in the studio audience and ask them if they might have certain bizarre items in their purse. If they had, say, a rubber chicken, he would give them cash prizes. I live this scenario every day, only it is my life, not a game show, and it is my home, not a purse and the biggest difference of all – there are no cash prizes!

Several years ago the radio station I listened to had a morning talk show that featured a segment called Swap Shop. Listeners would call in with the most outrageous items they owned and if another caller could top the craziness of the item the d.j.s would arrange a swap. I only called in once, but I won the swap and the d.j. commented that normally one would have to go to the Addam’s Family house to find such an unusual item. The item I swapped was a petrified blowfish mobile; I can’t remember what I swapped for, but I am sure it wasn’t nearly as exotic as a petrified blowfish mobile. (I neglected to mention that the petrified blowfish was wearing a little straw hat.)

Another area I have excelled in is the annual White Elephant Christmas Gift Exchange with our best friends and their children. A Christmas White Elephant memory that will never be topped was the year I brought as my exchange gift an acrylic polar bear rug, complete with polar bear head and long plastic polar bear teeth. Who has this kind of stuff in their house? I do.

My home is also a popular stop among the scavenger hunt crowd. I can usually get a scavenger hunt team through their entire list in less than five minutes. Many a scavenger hunt prize has been won thanks to me and my “stuff”.

So this brings me to today’s cleaning/purging project. I cleaned out the top closet shelf in my hall closet. A closet that is used to store out of season clothes, children’s clothes I can’t bear to part with (Girl Scout vests with badges and Li’l Abner costume), and the extra leaves to my dining table.

I thought the top shelf would be a simple enough project; there were only 4 things on the top shelf. How hard could this be? Hard! These are the four things that were on the top shelf:

1. A hat box containing a brown floppy felt hat my mother wore in the 1960s. We have already established the aversion I have to getting rid of anything that belonged to my mother - KEEP



2. A shoe box containing a pair of dyed black peau de soie shoes, a half size too small for me. I will DONATE these (unless daughter #2 wants them).



3. A shoe box containing a pair of dyed purple/lilac peau de soie shoes I wore when I was the Matron of Honor in my sister’s wedding in 1985, a full size too small. I will DONATE these (unless daughter #2 wants them).



4. The fourth and final item on the top shelf of the closet is the item I am torn about getting rid of. If I get rid of this I will never again be able to participate in the radio Swap Shop show, I will never again have an awesome White Elephant gift, and I will never again be a one-stop-shop house for a scavenger hunt. The fourth and final item on the top shelf of the hall closet is a midnight blue velvet sombrero with silver top stitching and multi-colored sequins. What if Monty Hall comes calling and offers me a cash prize for a midnight blue velvet sombrero? I am SO KEEPING this!