And another thing...

I am really on a roll with the neighborhood “stuff” critique. Thank goodness this blog is fairly anonymous (and judging from the old newspapers in some of my neighbors’ driveways I don’t think they are big readers). I took a different route on my run this morning and these are some of the things I observed (I swear I don’t make this stuff up):

• Barbeque grills in the front yard. Since when has having a cookout in the front yard been the thing to do? Do you fire up the grill and invite all of the neighbors over?
• The rotted out skateboard ramp is an insurance liability. Move it; your punk-rock skateboarder is probably an engineering graduate student at a fancy university by now and doesn’t want it anymore.
• Unless your front yard doubles as an auxiliary landing strip for the airport you don’t need the rows of landscape lighting outlining your driveway.
• That tree you had to have cut down last year because it was dead doesn’t look good piled up on the side of your house. I am guessing you thought you would use it for fireplace fuel, but it is a breeding ground for termites and God only knows what else.
• The aggregate rock driveways that were all the rage in the early 80s now look like hell. Every time I jog by your house I get little pieces of gravel stuck in the bottom of my running shoes and it is very irritating. If I live long enough I might possibly carry your driveway away one piece at a time.
• If your fence has blown down it only means we can see how ugly your back yard is.
• I know there is a city ordinance limiting the number of dogs one can have. Why do you have six dog houses in your backyard? Yes, I can see them through your raggedy fence; which scares me to think you might actually own six dogs – that fence won’t keep them corralled.
• Was your McDonald’s meal good? The wrappings and the remainder of your hamburger and French fries are still at the curb next to your parked car. But don't be too embarrassed about it, only a few doors down there is a dirty baby diaper that has been run over in the street.
  

Maybe I should move? If any of my neighbors ever read this I may not have a choice.